Sun 27th Sep 2026
Interesting weekend! I had my first open studios yesterday, and it was pretty good! Got to nose about in some really cool studios, and as exhilarating as it was i now am in suchhhh a slump. I feel some what glum that I cant access these really cool studios all the time, and that its up to me to basically make my own. I also am a little bummed with how set is, and how theres not very many oportunities for connection day to day because its all so closed off now. I also feel an insane amount of pressue now to be at that level, and I am not even sure if I have that in me physically,,,, I should have asked some of these people what their schedules were like man. In my mind, they're working from dusk till dawn, with all their ideas flowing and spilling out onto their walls. I have none at the moment, and even if i was able to buy the canvases that i needed to and that they weren't out of stock, i dont even have the sense of security in my mind that ill be able to figure it out then,,, idk. I am having a hard time placing myself within all this and also knowing when to take a break.
It feels like such a shame really, that I have finally gotten this opportunity and my brain then decides to conk out, but we persevere!
I've tried reading a bit more again, and have also given drawing from my mind a go, which did help a little bit last week, but now i just feel completely overwhelmed with the financial side of things, and the pressure to start earning back all that i've already spent. I really do not know what direction to take things in, I probably should just start with what im comfortable with (cars) but I really do not know how to get the reference pictures that match with the ideas in my mind when it comes to how I want to start approaching how I paint cars,,,,, damn that stupid apple in my mind that i cannot see!!!!!!!!
Feeling all out of sorts, made a stew yesterday though that made me feel a little better, I went to the studio today even though I should've stayed in bed. whilst i was there though i slept on the beanbags, failed at ordering the canvases i need and then did a little bit of tidying up (though i did manage to write up a calendar for the wall though which is good!). its 5pm now and i am home and i am getting the fuck into bed. maybe the creative juices will flow tomorrow idk.
side thought i've been wanting to email sarah davis barker about two of her recent videos and how she needs to get into crip theory because it would just fill out everything perfectly in her essays, allas i am tired and also need to think on what i'd actually recommend for her to start with reading wise
side thought again it would probably also be very good to have a rotten reading list thing for those who are new to crip theory, one for the crips and one for the ableds....
Fri 25th Sep 2026
Hello! this is my first journal entry! I'm having a wonderful time learning how to use html and run a neocities website-- I really hope this is something I stick with!
today i've been in the studio mostly tinkering on with this, I should be writing an application for an exhibition, however its due at like 8pm so I feel unobligated to do it until a few hours time.
Really greatful for the fast response time of the people on reddit otherwise i think I would've still been bothering with the drawing module on the front page--- maybe by the time someone reads this it'll actually be working,, who knows.